Official grade slip

Ranked #7 of 36 on Threads

Doomscroll District School

reportcard.lol · SEMESTER: Fall 2026

STUDENT@wired

HOMEROOMThe Control Room

SUBJECTGRADE

Original PostsINC^*

Emoji RestraintA

RagebaitF

SincerityD

ShitpostingB

AttendanceB

HONOR ROLL

GRADE POINT AVERAGE3.06/ 4.30

TEACHER'S COMMENT

"Posts read like a keynote at a conference nobody registered for."

F in Ragebait is the good one. They never bait.

* Original Posts: Grade incomplete. Not enough posts to determine original versus borrowed content.

Assigned to the optimization wing. The teacher follows the numbers.

Made the honor roll. Your parents would actually want to see this one.

PARENT SIGNATURE

Captionjust got my report card and it says: cannot be provoked. what does yours say?reportcard.lol/r/threads/wired

Sign the slip if you like. The signature stays on this device.

Grade another handle

How grading works

Your grades measure how your posts read, not how popular they are. A high follower count doesn't help you here.

What counts: saying something specific instead of vague, making a point that isn't restated common knowledge, sounding like a real person, and being at least a little funny.

What doesn't count: follower numbers, likes, how many replies you get. The grade is about what you say when you do post.