Official grade slip

Ranked #29 of 36 on Threads

Doomscroll District School

reportcard.lol · SEMESTER: Fall 2026

STUDENT@oprah

HOMEROOMThe Control Room

SUBJECTGRADE

Original PostsINC^*

Emoji RestraintB

RagebaitF

SincerityD

ShitpostingC

AttendanceD

SUMMER SCHOOL

GRADE POINT AVERAGE2.26/ 4.30

TEACHER'S COMMENT

"Irregular attendance with long stretches between posts. The trend is clear."

F in Ragebait is the good one. They never bait.

* Original Posts: Grade incomplete. Not enough posts to determine original versus borrowed content.

Assigned to the optimization wing. The teacher follows the numbers.

Summer school. Show up, do the reading, try new things.

PARENT SIGNATURE

Captionjust got my report card and it says: cannot be provoked. what does yours say?reportcard.lol/r/threads/oprah

Sign the slip if you like. The signature stays on this device.

Grade another handle

How grading works

Your grades measure how your posts read, not how popular they are. A high follower count doesn't help you here.

What counts: saying something specific instead of vague, making a point that isn't restated common knowledge, sounding like a real person, and being at least a little funny.

What doesn't count: follower numbers, likes, how many replies you get. The grade is about what you say when you do post.