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Official grade slip

Ranked #28 of 46 on LinkedIn

Doomscroll District School

reportcard.lol · SEMESTER: Fall 2026

STUDENTMatt Cromwell (mattcromwell)
HOMEROOMThought Leadership
SUBJECTGRADE
Honest TitlesB
Corporate SpeakC
Humble BragA
Plain EnglishA+
YapperC
TenureB
SUMMER SCHOOL
GRADE POINT AVERAGE3.05/ 4.30
TEACHER'S COMMENT

"Heavy on the corporate vocabulary. The about section reads like an investor pitch."

Enrolled in the strong opinions workshop. Supporting evidence is not required for this course.

Summer school. The profile is close. The draft is just not the final version.

PARENT SIGNATURE
FILE UNDER: POSTING HABITSLinkedIn · reportcard.lol

mattcromwell on LinkedIn: GPA 3.05 out of 4.30, summer school. Best subject Plain English (A+), weakest Keeping It Short (C). Teacher's comment: "Heavy on the corporate vocabulary. The about section reads like an investor pitch.".

Captionwww.reportcard.lol/r/linkedin/mattcromwell?v=muky4yqf

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How grading works

Your grades measure how your LinkedIn profile reads, not how many connections you have.

What counts: job titles that match the work, plain language without corporate jargon, achievements stated without the humblebrag wrapper, recommendations that sound like real people, showing up for a while, and keeping the about section readable.

What doesn't count: connection count, follower numbers, or which companies you've worked at. The grade is about how the profile reads.